de Kurt Cobain
When I received your letter, I really didn't want to read it, I found it stupid to answer to all the letters of my fans. I threw it to the trash.
The day before yesterday, I was on stage in Rome, and I realised that when we are backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with really writing something for two years now. I thought I can't fool my fans, I can't fool anyone, it would be so unfair, wouldn't it ? The worst crime I can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.
I first took a strong line of coke, and it's true that it didn't really helped me. Then I started to feel depressed and I finally wanted to die. I tried, but Courtney and Chris came and talked to me for many hours. I hate myself, and I need help.
I don't know if I'm going to carry on playing, but I don't want to deceive my fans, my friends. I need to talk, yes, I get better speaking with Chris and Courtney, and I probably would be better speaking with people I don't know. It would be like... a therapy. But I don't want to be the little kid that people have to take care to, no ! I'm really ok to answer to all the questions about me, and I can give advice to people who ,as I did younger, dream to be a rock-star.
Now, I think I'm gonna play a sad song, yes ! A sad song to cry my life. Music really helps us to survive. This is the best therapy. You know, I just wrote this text now, and I already feel better. Isn't it a good point ?
Peace, love , empathy, see ya